Dexter Quince Kanye shrugs through life™

I've been pondering this problem of the current missing members of our community. I would have just not cared but "torture-fest 1998" has really made it stick fresh in my mind. Have we entertained the possibility of spontaneous combustion? That's always a fun explanation.

Oh, or time displacement!


It couldn't possibly be an elaborate ruse on the Carrows' part though. We all know they aren't that smart.

Warded to Imogen

So, unrelated to anything else going on in this clusterfuck of a school, I have a problem.

Hey, Imogen.

I started off today giving my dear friend Imogen a high five. While I can't disclose the whys of such an exchange, I have since determined that we all deserve a high five. And a hug. For, you know, generally existing.

So if anyone would like either of these things, please do let me know.

I realize this isn't a thoughtful discourse on the current state of affairs, or even a largely rebellious fuck you to those in authority. I hope you all will forgive me.

Warded to Ligeia

Hey. How are you doing?

This school is such a happy place. I can just see the plethora of rainbows and butterflies from here.

I never realized support badges were such a raging good time. I feel like I missed a memo.

Warded to Beatrice

So I hear you're making out with boys who want to date you. What's up with that?

I'd always wanted a more gratifying way to deal with spiders. Smashing them just wasn't enough. Thank you, He-Carrow! My life is so much better now.

All things considered, Muggle medicine seems entirely primitive.

It's a wonder more Muggles aren't dead.

Well, I've never been a fan of keeping my big gob shut, what can I say?

So I was thinking about this, and you know, being able to do the Imperius Curse is a lot like having the mind control powers that muggle super villains love so much.

And that's kinda cool.

Imogen, Imogen, Imogen.

I'm really concerned about your ability to properly read my tea leaves. So concerned that I just want to go on record, to the world, that I am not going to die because a prostitute decided to choke me.

In order to be killed by a prostitute, I would have to spend time with a prostitute and let's face it. I don't need to pay for that.

As we all head out to Hogsmeade this weekend, I just want to remind the lovely ladies of Hogwarts that it would be a waste to be alone in this rare weekend of freedom. So if you're alone, all sad and lonely, crying in a corner like Myrtle, I want to offer you my services as the kind and considerate person that I am.

Now, now, I know what you're thinking. I know this is the sort of thing you've been dreaming of. And yes, have no fear, ladies. It is your lucky day.

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